I've Interviewed Markwayne Mullin, the Next Secretary of Homeland Security

Unless Trump Changes It's Name to the Department of Deportation

It’s hard to believe, but only three members of the administration have been on reality shows: Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy (The Real World: Boston; Road Rules: All Stars; and Real World/Road Rules Challenge), Secretary of Education Linda McMahon (WWE SmackDown!), and President Donald Trump (The Apprentice).

But as then Congressman and soon-to-be Director of Homeland Security Markwayne Mullin told me in 2021, he was thisclose to being on The Ultimate Fighter.

I had called Mullin because an editor at 1843, The Economist’s digital magazine, kept demanding an irrational amount of reporting for a profile she had asked me to write about UFC CEO Dana White. After many rewrites, she killed the story for reasons I didn’t understand. So I sent it to the Financial Times, which ran it on the cover of its weekend magazine. I don’t know what it feels like to win by knocking out an opponent in the ring, but I’m guessing it’s a lot more exciting than what I felt.

So I needed a quote from Mullin, an Oklahoma congressman who had won his seat by promising to serve only three terms and was now in the middle of his fifth. Mullin was using his bonus time in the House to take on the UFC, threatening the company with legislation that would stop the company from choosing matchups.

Since getting close to Donald Trump, who is close to Dana White, Mullin has decided that he was totally wrong about the UFC. But back then, he was mad. And he told me all about his feelings about the sport.

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Mullin is the youngest of seven children. His mother, who you think would have been good at naming kids after seven times, couldn’t choose between honoring his Uncle Mark or his Uncle Wayne. So she put both names on the birth certificate, figuring she could decide later. But when you have seven kids, you get pretty busy, so he remained Markwayne.

He got a wrestling scholarship to Missouri Valley College, then dropped out to help run the family plumbing business. He started a radio show on Tulsa’s KFAQ called “House Talk” that was not at all about the House of Representatives. And he turned that plumbing company into a hugely successful business that has made him worth about $65 million. You know what you can buy for $65 million in Oklahoma? A senate seat.

But as he built his business, Mullin’s pugilistic dreams remained. He learned jiu-jitsu and became a mixed martial arts fighter with a 5-0 amateur record. He wanted to go pro in the UFC and figured his best chance was by getting cast on The Ultimate Fighter, a reality show where rookies live in a house together and get eliminated through fights. I did not know he had tried out for the show until he told me. I’m not sure anyone still does.

“A lot of fighters lived at the gym and didn’t have anything to fall back on. It was good because the guys went all in. But it wasn’t my life,” Mullin told me over the phone from his congressional office. “We were trying to figure out The Ultimate Fighter contract, and I couldn’t sign away six weeks that I wasn’t going to have any contact with anybody – my wife, my kids. I said, ‘You guys can listen to the phone calls, but let me talk to my companies daily’.”

The UFC would not agree. Also, Mullin said he wanted to advertise his plumbing company on his uniform, which they wouldn’t allow. And it got worse. “The UFC video game, all those guys like the Shamrocks, they didn’t get anything. If they did, they got a one-time payment. I just couldn’t do that,” he said.

“They tried to lock me into a short-term contract where I would pick up fights. If someone got hurt, you needed to step in,” he said. Though that didn’t work for him either. It’s not like anyone wants their plumber to say, “Sorry I didn’t show up to fix that exploding toilet, but Wanderlei ‘The Axe Murderer’ Silva had a head cold.”

Despite all this, Mullin was still a fan of mixed martial arts. “I honestly love the sport,” he said. “I love fighting.” I know this is true because shortly after we talked, Mullin became a Senator. And during a Senate committee hearing on November 14, 2023, he challenged Teamsters President Sean O’Brien to a fight. He even stood up and took off his wedding ring, which is a pro move. Not a pro Senator move, but definitely a polite thing to do before rolling around on the committee room floor.

When Trump fired Kristi Noem as the Secretary of Homeland Security after her poor performance at two congressional hearings where she never once stood up, took off her wedding ring, and threatened to beat up someone, Trump knew he had to calm things down at ICE. After the murders in Minneapolis, he needed someone to make the department less violent. He needed Markwayne Mullin.

Mullin is 5-0 in the octagon. 6-0 in general elections. He’s also undefeated with this pink rubber ball he’s been carrying everywhere since middle school and annoyingly bouncing everywhere.

@senmullin

Senator Markwayne Mullin on Instagram: "We’re on the move 24/7.…

I will miss looking at Noem’s face while I snake through TSA lines at the airport.

Though I have no doubt Mullin will make a fine video too:

Eventually, he, like Noem, will leave to become special envoy for The Shield of the Americas – which is part of the Trump Multiverse. At which point, the job of violently throwing dark-skinned people off the island will be given to Jeff Probst.

In 2006, Dr. Drew Pinsky published a study in which he gave celebrity guests on his radio show, Loveline, a written test. He found that celebrities indeed scored higher than average on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. But the most narcissistic celebrities, by far, were reality TV stars. Which means they are the least empathetic people in the world besides ICE agents.

Trump chose Mullin because he likes to watch him on cable news shows. He would have loved him even more if he had been on The Ultimate Fighter.